Playoffs: Conference Finals (and Toilet Bowl)

As predicted, the first round of the playoffs was full of upsets. The only higher seed to advance to the next round was the number one ranked team in the Russell Conference, 100 Acre Wood Heffalumps. Slam N Dragon, Fat Jubas, and LA Buffy all got toppled by "lesser" teams. The 5-3-1 loss by Fat Jubas was especially difficult as they had a stellar regular season and were seen as the early favorites. The margin of victory would have been even greater possibly, as the Jubas only managed to squeak out a win in REB and PTS by one each. Stunningly, Jubas and Oliver's Half Man Half ImAsian tied in FT%. Is that crazy or what? Let's take a quick look at the semi-final matchups.

Russell Conference
#1 100 Acre Wood Heffalumps (15-4) vs #3 Human Amoebas (9-10)
After dispatching Slam N Dragon with relative ease, Eric-A's Amoebas face off against a much tougher opponent this time out. Prior to last week, Coach Jose of Heffalumps had said that he was afraid of the surging Funk Coalition and Human Amoebas. Now he'll be facing them back to back. With Kobe Bryant literally dragging his team long, Jose's team will really have to step up their game to compete against Eric-A's backcourt combination of Derrick Rose, Monta Ellis, and Eric Gordon. It looks like this matchup could come down to the big men down low, and which team can get a role player or two to step up. The Amoebas are pretty much locks to win 3PT and AST, and are capable in their other categories. If we're looking at a future huge upset, this could be the matchup that is all sorts of wrong for the highest seed left in the playoffs. Can Kobe defend himself against the onslaught of the Amoebas' young studs? We think it'll come down to a frontcourt battle to determine the victor.

Chamberlain Conference
#3 Sour Snails (14-5) vs #4 Half Man Half ImAsian (12-7)
Despite a horrid tail end of the regular season, Oliver's Half Men picked up their game at just the right moment. JaVale McGee is cleaning up the boards to the tune of 15.3 REB per game and adding 18.5 PTS and 3.0 BLK to boot. He could individually cancel out the Snails' Kevin Love -- well especially since Love is injured. All the big men categories are probably going to swing Half Man Half ImAsian's way if Love remains out so it'll be interesting to see if Kevin Durant can put up enough points to cancel out Trieu's crew of bombers. With Steph Curry leading the way, the Sour Snails will need to keep their hands up on defense and swipe a lot of balls to win what will be a very close semi-finals matchup. Can Trieu advance to the Finals and get a chance to defend his crown? We're thinking he can, but Oliver might have something else to say about that. This is going to be quite a week for both teams.

TOILET BOWL
Russell Conference
#5 Bayside Bombardiers (8-11) vs #6 Chunky Monkeys (6-13)
No big surprises here, as both higher ranked teams took care of business and defeated Nande ReBuRonSAN and MoRRie's Pogiboys, respectively. It just goes to show you that having random capital letters in your team name is no path to success. Both Pierre and Evan's teams could use an infusion of young talent to make them playoff contenders next year. I mean, for the Monkeys, power forward JJ Hickson was their highest scoring player last week. That's not good. Or "no bueno" as the Spanish say. For the Bombardiers, Pau Gasol is a man on fire, averaging 24.5 PTS, 12.0 REB, and 2.0 BLK last week. We're predicting an easy win for the Bombardiers -- who made it through the entire season not making one move.

Chamberlain Conference
#5 Squirtle Squad (11-8) vs #7 Fob Stars (6-13)
The Fobby Ones took out Steve's 2005 All Star Team behind Zach Randolph and Chris Bosh's fine weeks. The Squirtles barely squeaked by Jedi Knights, winning off a H2H tie breaker. If Jimmy can pull off another upset, their season will be half way redeemed with a top two pick. But he'll have to get by Quake Griffin (25.7 PTS, 13.0 REB, 1.3 STL over his last three) and the rest of the Squirtle Squad first.